[English Sermon 영어 설교]
Sunday, August 3, 2025 - Sermon by Rev. Jinkook (Danny) Sohn
A Submissive Wife, a Loving Husband (Ephesians 5:21:33)
2025. 8. 3. 주일예배 설교- 에베소서 강해 19
본문: 에베소서 5:21-33
제목: 순종하는 아내 사랑하는 남편
설교자: 손진국 목사
From today’s passage to chapter 6 verse 9, we find three very important relationships that God’s children, believers, are bound to form while living on this earth as children of light.
The first is the relationship between husband and wife, then between children and parents, and finally between servants and masters. The order in which they are listed in the Bible is not arbitrary. They are arranged according to priority and importance. Do you remember the message from two Sundays ago where we discussed the priorities in our relationships? The relationship that surpasses all others is our relationship with the Lord. It was called the "zero-priority" relationship. Among human relationships, the most important is the marital relationship. Next is the parent-child relationship, followed by the relationship between siblings, and then neighbors. So remember that the order in today’s passage reflects this.
Today’s message is about the marital relationship, which must be the top priority among all human relationships we form on earth. Therefore, it is a very important message, but also one that is not easy to apply in real life. However, we can do it. Why? Because our zero-priority relationship with the Lord leads and enables us to do so. Amen.
The husband and wife form the foundational unit of the family. The reason God created humans on this earth was so they could be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, ruling over all things on God’s behalf. To fulfill that purpose, God established two institutions: the family and the church.
Let us now reflect together on how the relationship between husband and wife should be, as revealed in verses 21 to 33.
1. Wives, Submit To Your Husbands.
The Apostle Paul first addresses wives. He speaks about the attitude of a wife toward her husband in a Christian home.
[Verse 22] Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
This verse is a declaration from the Lord on how wives should treat their husbands. It is a very important statement in the marital relationship. When I first came to believe in Jesus, this was my favorite verse. I even wrote it on the card when I proposed to my wife.
If your husband is sitting next to you, look at him. If not, try to picture his face in your mind. How does he look to you? Like a burn wound? Like an enemy?
(For example – An elderly couple was on a TV word-guessing show. The host gave the word "soulmate." No matter how the husband tried to explain it, the wife couldn’t guess it. Finally, the husband said, "What do we call our relationship?" Without hesitation, the wife answered, “Enemy.” The husband then raised four fingers to hint at a four-syllable word. The wife confidently replied, “Lifelong enemy.”)
Does your husband look like a lifelong enemy? He should look like the Lord. Does he?
Why should he look that way? Because God has established the relationship between husband and wife in that way.
[Verse 23] For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
God has appointed the husband as the head of the wife. Saying you dislike your husband is like saying you dislike your own head—ultimately, you dislike yourself. Disliking and hating your husband is the same as disliking and hating yourself.
Why should your husband look like the Lord? So that you can submit to him according to the Word of God.
[Verse 24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Wives are told to submit to their husbands. Submission is not a choice; it is an act of faith. It’s not about submitting when you feel good and ignoring him when you feel bad. Submission is not based on feelings or emotions, but on obedience to God’s Word.
Then to what kinds of things must you submit? Only when he does things you agree with? No. The Bible says to submit in everything. I often hear this: “Pastor, my husband insists on doing things that make no sense and forces me to do them too. It’s killing me.” And yes, when I hear it, I agree it makes no sense. But what does Scripture say? Even in such cases, submission is required.
Then comes the inevitable question: “If my husband tells me not to go to church or believe in the Lord, should I still submit?” What do you think? One thing we must not forget is this: Who are the husbands and wives referred to in this passage? Believers. You can’t tell a wife with an unbelieving husband to submit to him as to the Lord or as to Christ.
Remember, the relationship with the Lord, who is Truth, transcends and takes priority over all other relationships. Once, a young adult came to church and believed the gospel. When we encouraged him to be baptized, he replied, “I’ll ask my parents.” But his parents were not believers. It is not right to consult those who do not believe in God about spiritual matters. That’s why it is so important for couples to be united in the Lord. Students and young adults, remember this: It is biblical for a believer to marry a believer. Don’t marry an unbeliever. Marry in the faith.
Are you in the Lord? The phrase “in the Lord” is the same as “in the truth.” Are you a wife in the Lord? Is your husband in the Lord? Then submit to your husband. Submit to him in everything. This is the will of the Lord. This is how a right and healthy marriage and family are established.
[Application] (Wives!) How does your husband look to you? Like the Lord or like an enemy? In what areas do you struggle to submit to your husband?
If we ended the sermon here, husbands would probably go home feeling greatly blessed… Are you wives feeling wronged up to this point?
2. Husbands, Love Your Wives.
[Verse 25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
What is the husband’s love for his wife compared to? The love of Jesus on the cross. How much does Christ love His body, the church? He gave His life for her on the cross. I also wrote this verse in my proposal card, but as a new believer, I didn’t grasp the weight of it. After getting married, every time I read this verse, I ask myself, “Do I really love my wife more than my own life?” When I get annoyed at trivial things, I feel ashamed and question whether this is what it means to love her more than life.
[Verses 26–27] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
What does this mean? Christ had a purpose in giving His life for the church: to make her holy and blameless. Through His death, our sins are forgiven, and we become God’s holy children. We are made like Jesus, who is holy and blameless. Jesus died on the cross to make us like Him.
This purpose is also attached to the command for husbands to love their wives. What does it mean? That husbands should have a purpose in loving their wives. Husbands, love your wives with this goal in mind: that she may become holy and blameless.
But don’t misunderstand. It’s not your love that makes your wife a holy child of God. That is the work of our Lord Jesus Christ, and it happens because she has received Him as her Savior, God, and Lord. As mentioned earlier, the wives in this context are believers.
What does this mean practically? When a wife receives genuine love, she becomes radiant, without stain or wrinkle. A wife who is unloved is filled with stain, wrinkle, and blemish—meaning negative emotions like hatred, jealousy, resentment, anger, and sadness. These build up when she is unloved. The way to remove these emotional blemishes is through the husband's love. A husband’s sincere love erases them. When a wife receives that true love, the hatred, jealousy, resentment, anger, and sadness disappear. She won’t envy the neighbor woman no matter how pretty she is. Love covers over a multitude of sins. A husband’s sincere love makes his wife beautiful before the Lord. That’s God’s way to make a wife holy and blameless.
What accomplishes this? The husband’s love.
Do you want your wife to become beautiful? Then love her sincerely.
And something even more amazing happens when a husband loves his wife. It’s in verse 28.
[Verse 28] In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
A husband loving his wife is ultimately loving himself. Why? Because the husband is the head, and the wife is the body. When the wife becomes beautiful, so does the husband’s body.
On the contrary, hating your wife is hating your own body. It is self-abuse.
[Verse 29] After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—
Hating or abusing your own body is not normal. It’s a disorder. It’s self-hatred, masochism.
May you all become husbands who truly love your wives, helping them grow into holiness and beauty, and building a holy, healthy, and beautiful family in the Lord.
[Application] (Husbands!) Do you love your wife more than your own life? Can you admit that the negative emotions or bitterness your wife may have is due to a lack of your love?
3. Respect and Submit to One Another
There is an amazing mystery in the union of a man and a woman through marriage. What is that mystery? It is found in verses 31-32.
[Verses 31-32] “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
The mystery is that the two become one flesh, and this is just like the union between Christ and the Church.
Dear husbands and wives, although you may seem like two bodies, you are in fact one body. You may appear to be two people, but in truth, you are one. One is the head and the other is the body. Though Christ and the Church seem to be separate, they are one body. The Church is the body of Christ, who is the head.
[Verse 21] Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
The phrase “out of reverence for Christ” reminds us that this message given to husbands and wives is a word from Christ, who is our Lord, and must be observed carefully. What does He command? To submit to one another. Husband and wife are one body. The first confession Adam made accurately reveals the identity of the married couple: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” May every couple become one holy and blameless body by respecting and submitting to one another.
Example — Pastor Billy Graham and his wife Ruth Graham lived their entire lives respecting each other. Mrs. Ruth Graham once said, “I never once wanted to divorce Billy during our marriage, but there were times I wanted to kill him.” What does this mean? Their relationship was so difficult and full of conflict at times that she felt that way, but they never considered divorce. Instead, they overcame those conflicts and crises through prayer and obedience to God's Word.
When you obey the Word, the spiritual authority God has given you begins to manifest. A question for the husbands: When do you feel your wife’s authority? Is it when she nags or complains? Or is it when you are being unreasonable or making excessive demands, and yet your wife still submits to you according to the Word—don’t you feel her authority then?
A question for the wives: When do you feel your husband’s authority? Is it when he yells and tries to overpower you? Or is it when he loves you sacrificially, even at the risk of his life, during difficult and unjust times? It is the latter.
God has given each husband and wife the appropriate authority. That authority is revealed when the wife submits to her husband according to the Word and when the husband loves his wife selflessly according to the Word.
May you all become believers who fulfill God’s Word to the end, building holy and beautiful homes that the Lord desires, through mutual submission and love.
[Application] In times of conflict and crisis with your spouse, do you follow the Word or your own emotions and pride? Share a time when you felt the authority of your spouse—what was the situation and how did it make you feel?
하늘소망교회(담임 손진국 목사)는 뉴질랜드 오클랜드 북부 실버데일에 세워진 한인교회로 '하나님의 마음으로 사람을 살리는 교회'입니다.
Hope of Heaven Baptist Church (Senior Pastor: Rev. Jinkook Sohn) is a Korean church established in Silverdale, Auckland, New Zealand. It is a church that saves people with the heart of God.